Night times are the worst. The time you normally spend as a family or the time where it is just you and your hubby. There are nights were I so desperately wish to just be holding my husband’s hand while we quietly watch a movie As well as nights were I secretly wish we could be making out like teenagers on our couch. Really though I miss him walking in the door from work, watching him play with Emma and making her giggle. I miss the feel of his kiss on my cheek. I miss the little things.
Of course I’ve stocked up on things to do. I’ve bought a new video game for my Wii, I have a few new books to read, and thankfully the winter TV hiatus is almost over. I also make plans to decorate and reorganize my home but most of those plans will take the whole deployment or they just remain pretty little ideas in my head. All in all the key to surviving a deployment is making goals, having little projects, and finding busy work for in between.
Lately I’ve taken to writing in the evenings. During our last deployment I used cookie dough as a means of stuffing my emotions down. While I am sure cookie dough will make an appearance or two [right around Valentine's Day and our anniversary] this time around I am trying to be healthier about it all. I’m so thankful to have this outlet to release myself. From lifting me up to being a distraction and with all the great writing out there, the bloggy world has become one of my biggest support systems. I am so thankful for all of you!
No matter what happens or what I do, I find my day always ends the same. Staring at my phone willing it to ring at some point in the night, praying that if my husband can not call that I’ll wake up to an email from him. As I close my eyes trying to find sleep, really I just hope for anything that will help me get through tomorrow.
Yes, the nights are for sure the worst, because you’re alone with your thoughts.
Good luck getting your projects done and it sounds like writing is a great release for you. how great you’ve found time to do it now!
What a great post, Tara. You continue to be such an inspiration for so many people. I hope that you and Emma girl are safe from this icky, terrible weather that we have been having.
I am praying for you as you continue to find new, innovative ways to remain content until your sweetie gets home. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you!
You just described how I feel here.
I still need to get used that he is not here anymore and still turn to the window if I hear the sound of a motorcycle out on the round expecting him to turn in our driveway.
Time will pass and they will be back home.
There are definitely nights like last night when I hear noises that keep me awake until 3am that I wish he was here to go investigate instead of me doing it. It’s all about keeping yourself busy and keeping your mind occupied.
Oh hun, I am sooo with you! Nights are by far the worst. That is why my 3 yr old stays up so late. I don’t want to be alone. I too miss hanging out in the couch watching tv (ahem…Star Trek.)
I also have projects to do. I want to repaint our house while he is gone. I have managed one room (our powder room) and that is it. But then again… we are only about 1/2 way through our 12 months.
You are so right – nights are the worst. I’ve been lucky, my husband hasn’t had an Afghanistan deployment yet (we’re Canadian), but he spent the three months before and three months after our wedding on training nearly 10 hours drive from home, and a full month in Germany through September and October – while not the same as a full deployment, it was still very, very hard, especially having been pregnant and suffering depression both times.
Good luck, keep busy, and remember that in no time at all he’ll be home with you and your little girl!
Tara, your post brought some tears to my eyes, I wish I could hug you – well, here’s the hug!
It is a brave woman to hold down the fort while her man is serving his country… we thank you.
And him!!
Get some sleep… he’ll be home before you know it.
Hang in there! Sounds tough but your kiddos need mom to be strong so keep your focus on those who love you!